Chapter Twenty
I held him in my arms, both of us thinking about Charles, the guy Chris loved and I barely heard of, one of us. Us. The sexual minorities, the ones who are overjudged.
Enid was wandering somewhere in the world, maybe by herself, maybe with her girl friends, maybe with a new guy wrapping his arm around her waist. She was no longer a part of my life, no longer the lady who ruled my fantasies. No longer one who I could count on in hard times. She was lost for me now, and I guess I was lost for her too.
Isaac was somewhere with Kayla. The so-called ideal couple, by all standarts and measurements of our world. Two blonde young people, not even out of their teens, a guy and a girl. Ones, who one day are going to be married by all rules in the local church and thrown rice at, as a symbol of fertility or whatever. The couple who could kiss freely on the streets and if one was to nod in disapproval, it was only because he though youngsters should hold on those emotions and desires to after they pass the altar. God knew how suddenly jealous I was of that freedom of his.
Taylor was in the room that used to be ours and now was only his. Taylor, my big brother, who got me in trouble and pushed me over the edge at times, crossed all lines recently, and I felt as though he was lost to me too,because even if I were asked now, I couldn't by any means to bring myself to tell him that I loved him and that I was glad to have him as my brother. That hole, torn in our relationship on that day when the Hanson household had its biggest scene, was caused by him, but was to be fixed by both of us, and I had suddenly no desire to do so. I couldn't.
My parents thought of me as a liar once. Now I knew they felt pity for their boy, destined to be a fighter not by choice of mind but by choice of nature. I guess they probably still loved me. Mother told me so. But now, as I looked them in the eye, it was different. I can't even explain how or why. It was because they knew, they have seen Chris and us, holding hands.
I closed my eyes, thinking of how my life used to be a week and a half ago and how it turned around in such a short notice. Chris rested his head on my chest, for the first time being the weak one of the two of us. I held him and thought of Charles.
Somewhere in the world, Enid was creating a brand new life. My sweet little Enid. I guess there are losses inevitably coming with the acknowledgement of your true self. I wish it to be less painful, if not for me, for the others, the next to come.
My name is Zachary Hanson, aged fifteen and ten days.
The nice life is waiting for you just around the corner. Where?
Except of those two thoughts, there was nothing in my mind similar to the thoughts I used to have before I almost fainted at the sight of Chris' brown eyes. My sugar-coated reality - how would I build it again? It was gone.
Chris brought up his head and looked me in the eye. "Don't cry," he whispered. "I love you."