Chapter Eleven
It was the first time we stepped out of his room and left the house through the door, without having to climb down the tree. Maybe it symbolized something. The tree was like a secret way to escape or enter, sort of a hiding from everybody; while the door resembled freedom and being open to the world. Maybe now, that we knew what we are to each other, we could also be more open; although I'd rather die than let anybody know about our affair, since I couldn't provide any explanation or reason.
The blue blanket still was there. Nobody crossed that spot of the woods since that day, or nobody wanted to take it. It was still there, on the ground, folded accurately but forgotten to be picked up. A message from Enid, a sign. Recently I was looking for signs everywhere, almost obsessively, even where it wasn't a sign at all. Now I thought about maybe there was something in our leaving it in the woods, maybe somehow, subconsciously we all knew that me and Chris would get here to start over as lovers, and maybe the fact that it was Enid's blanket was some sort of a blessing from her, an approval. It was crazy. But it was relaxing, and I wasn't pretty sane anyway. Confusion makes you step a bit out of your mind, also the situation I was in.
Chris unfolded it and it was our love-making place for now. I had no guilty consciousness about kissing Chris on Enid's blanket, although I think I should have. I didn't think about her now, and if I did, it was only when I thought about the blanket being the sign.
The sky above us were blue, so intensely blue, bluer than the blanket or Enid's eyes. The trees shone with all the beauty of their green and yellow and red leaves, the leaves of autumn, and suddenly I heard a bird whistling. Everything was so intense. The colors were brighter and the sounds were louder, and everything was so sharp and beautiful. Everything was perfect at that moment, when me and Chris kissed each other, now not only with lust but with feelings, showing each other their depth and strength. We've lost any track of time and reality, and we enjoyed it. There was nothing and nobody around us, or with us, or to be there when we'll leave this place. There was nothing at all.
He kissed and touched me, and soon he was on top of me. Somehow, the fact we both were guys never came in the middle of the passion. Man and woman's bodies were designed for each other, meaning sexually. Man and man's were not. But we never knew it, it never was an issue, when we pressed together, as though wishing to be one, whole, just like we were mentally at that time, and maybe in the future.
We wanted to be naked together, but we couldn't. Still, it was a place where everybody could come, although we haven't considered that when we kissed; and it was pretty cold, but sunny. So we were fully dressed. Thank God for that. I don't really know what would have happened if we were naked. And I don't really mean going all the way, the way men do it. I mean when suddenly I heard a noise behind my back, and felt Chris' body stiffen. I ran my fingers through his hair and continued kissing him, but suddenly he pulled away from me. His eyes were frozen on something behind my back.
"What's wrong?" I asked, not turning away to see what it was, that scared my lover so much. He didn't answer me. His eyes were locked on that thing. Then I turned away, thinking, maybe it was a dog and he was scared of them. It was worse.
It was Taylor.
"Oh, fuck…" I whispered, lacking any better things I could say.
"Oh, fuck, Zac?" he asked ironically. "Is that what I disturbed you to do?"
"Fuck you, Taylor! What are you doing here?" I shouted, losing any self control, being too scared now that I was caught in the act.
"I was only doing a little favor to your girlfriend, who asked me to pick up that blanket. She called me and asked me to do it for her, since she couldn't reach you, and now I clearly understand why, and she is sick and can't go, and she didn't want anybody to steal it. So here I am, serving this girl, who happens to be your girlfriend, while you, obviously, don't really need her. So, what are you going to tell your girlfriend?" He said the world 'girlfriend' three times during his angry and ironic speech, hurting me with every time.
"I think you're minding not your own business here, Taylor," I said.
"Yeah? Well, you know, it's kind of nice, when your brother is cheating on his girlfriend, his wonderful piece of a person girlfriend, with another guy!"
"What really disturbs you, the fact I am cheating on her or the fact I'm doing it with a guy?" I asked quietly. I felt like it was the most important moment of my life. I don't know why.
"Frankly, little brother? The truth?"
"The truth."
"How much truth you've told Enid about Chris?" he asked sarcastically. "Or she doesn't even know. Yeah, that probably is."
"So what really bothers you, Taylor, about this whole thing?"
"I don't know. I just don't know," he said quietly. "I am shocked. Are you gay, Zac?"
"Hey, Taylor," Chris suddenly interrupted, "you have no right to ask him that. Don't you think if he wanted you to know, he would have told you anyway?"
"You stay out of this," Taylor snapped at him.
"I'd rather not." Silently, I whispered a thankyou to him. He stood up for me at this weird situation I had no idea how to manage out of. "I think you're being awfully unfair to him by asking him that kind of a question. And I'd rather stick up by his side because I have the feeling you're going to give him a hell of a hard time from now on, while you shouldn't. You're his brother. You cannot judge him."
"Save your cheap advises to people who need them! I think I can manage this by myself!"
"No, Taylor." Chris' voice was so calm, just as usual. It was calming me down, too. "How are you going to manage it? What are you going to do now, besides screaming at Zac?"
"He has a girlfriend, you know?" Taylor suddenly changed the subject. "Do you know that? That is what makes me mad! I don't care if he is going to screw around with every gay guy in this town, I just care for him not to lie to her!"
"What do you care about Enid anyway?" I asked.
"I care because she is a great girl. She is the best girl I've ever seen - and no, I don't like her that way. She's the best thing in your life, as much as a cliche it is. And you, my dear brother, are a liar. A cheat and a liar."
"Taylor, I know about Enid. I know everything. But you have no right to pass any judgement on Zac, because he has it enough from himself. His choices are his, and what he does is only his decision, that you, as his brother, should support, even if it's against your opinions or morals, whatever it is."
"Taylor… You're not going to tell anybody, right?" I asked. It was the last thing I needed - I knew he won't be walking around the city, shouting that Zac was making out with a guy named Chris, but I knew he could tell my parents and siblings. And if Enid ever hears about it…
"You damn right I'm going to," he whispered. "I certainly think Mom and Dad should know about it."
"Why?"
"Because I know I want my children to tell me if they were gay."
"Taylor, he's not gay," Chris interrupted again. "He doesn't know a thing. And trust me, letting your parents know about it would only hurt them."
"I still think they should know. They deserve to know what a liar and cheat they have raised."