Chapter Fourteen
I waited for her reply, I waited for her to say something and relieve the pressure and maybe, remove the stones from my soul, I waited for her to speak more than I ever waited for anything. She was silent, she tried to understand what was the best way to act and I hoped she was looking for the right words to say she was willing to forgive me.
"I maybe crazy, Zac," she said finally, "but I cannot be mad at you." I was stunned. "I mean… I am not going to ask you about your sexuality. I think you will tell me about it as the time will be right for you. But I cannot be mad at you, because even though I'm straight and all, and never even had thoughts about girls, recently one of my friends came out of the closet. She gathered five of her best friends in her house, and she cried so hard when she told us she was a lesbian." Me and Chris listened to her with our mouths shut but eyes wide open, as she told us the story of her friend, staring at the floor. "She told us that, and the room was so quiet. We never met somebody even bisexual before. And then one of the girls got up and said that she hated gays. And she left the house. It was exactly two weeks ago and still that girl won't talk to her. Me and the other three stayed, back on that day and listened to her. She told us about the inner struggles she had before finally admitting it to herself, she told us all the truth and the pain behind it. I have the sight of her right now in front of my eyes. And I cannot be mad at you, Zac." I only sighed in disbelief. "I can't…" she repeated. "I mean… I want to. Given all the circumstances, the most reasonable act would be saying that we're forever through, but… I feel like it would be so wrong to do it."
She wasn't for real, that girl. She couldn't be for real. The best I hoped for was, she would say that she'll reconsider and she'll call me about it in a while. But she forgave me. Truly forgave me. "You're an angel," I said quietly, looking directly at her face.
"No, I'm not. I'm a human being, just like you. And I act the way I feel right."
I looked around at the two people who were in the room with me, the girl who is kind beyond human ability and the guy whom I love beyond human ability; then I understood the true meaning of dying and going to heaven, for at that moment, they truly resembled two angels, even if angels are unreal on Earth. It was a scene so full of beauty, the three of us, each with his own feelings but we all clicked and became one for a number of moments.
"So I guess it means we are over, Zac," she stated rather unemotionally.
"I think maybe we should just put it all on hold," I suggested. "We can never know what is going to happen next, and I could really use the hope of still being with you anytime in the future."
"I support this way of thinking," Chris said, for the first time making a comment.
"Give me some time to think about it. I only came here to know what was going on. I won't discuss our possibilities or chances of being together again." There was some coldness, some bitter anger in her voice. Understandable. She could forgive me, but controlling feelings behind the decision wasn't probably the easiest. I suddenly wondered about it - how does a girl feel when finds out about a thing like this one? "I know what I wanted to know. I wish you two…" she choked on the last words, but immediately continued - "…the best. Call me sometime, Zac." She turned to the door, ready to leave, but suddenly I saw her straighten her back, gracefully holding her head and then she said, without turning to face me: "And Zac… I think you should go home. They are frantic."
I couldn't care less. The remembrance of yesterday was still burning my chest from the inside, and I knew I could not, by any means I could not look at them and know for sure I won't scream at them and take all my anger out with the help of the rudest expressions and cruelest accusations I could think of. Lucky for me, Enid only suggested it - she hadn't had any time or will to try and convince me; she left after saying her final words, looking as though nothing had ever happened, but I knew her only too well and I knew what is going to happen the minute she comes home. I've been there during the few breakdowns she had over the two years I knew her, and I could predict everything. But I'd rather not think about it; call me insensitive, but this was one of the things I didn't want to face or deal with.
We decided to spend the evening by ourselves, which collided well with the party Chris' parents had to attend out of politeness; the fact was, we had the house to ourselves. As they told it to Chris, I was present. His mother looked at me strangely, with compassion and curiosity in her eyes; I knew what she was thinking about me, and I knew she understood perfectly why I wasn't going home - which made me wonder if his ex was hiding here, too, and she compares us. I made a mental note to ask him about it.
"I want to tell you something, boys," she said suddenly, five minutes before they left, and she took us to the back yard. We followed, exchanging looks but being totally out of ideas. "Zac, I won't ask you any questions," she said to me, looking me straight in the eye. "I don't think there are any questions I don't have answers for. What I want to tell you, not every parent can understand, accept and pretend nothing has changed. Even if they can, it takes time. Until then, boys," now she was talking to both of us, "you have my full support. In our world, that I understood its complicate ways only with Chris' help, it's pretty hard to find similarity between yourself and others, mostly because we all hide our true selves for fear to be fragile and vulnerable. But you had the guts to reveal it, and you found each other, and I can only admire the love I see between you two - even if this is not the life I wanted for my boy, and I'm sure, Zac, that your mother wanted something else, too. But we all learn to live with the ways of our children. The only thing I can advise you at this moment is, you, too have to learn - to be strong in the face of people who are not going to accept you, and keep the love." Her voice was soft, quiet - a classic motherly voice, from the kind that makes you want to hug her and cry into her lap about all of your problems, believing with all of your existence that she can fix everything. She walked away, not before she gave each of us a tight hug; I stared at her back until she got into her car, amazed.
"Can she adopt me?" I breathed out, and Chris took my hand in his, smiling.
"Then our relationship would be incest."
"Frankly? I don't care."
We held hands as we walked into the house and went to his room. There was some silent agreement between us, as we sat on his bed and looked each other in the eye. It was the evening we wanted to spend entirely wrapped up together. As we walked through the hall, our attention was caught by the mirror we saw through the open door of his parents' bedroom, and we stepped in to look at ourselves. Our eyes swallowed hungrily the reflection of us. We looked so good together. He was just slightly shorter than me, maybe an inch or two, and we both were blonde with a hair falling down on our shoulders, both with brown eyes - but his were darker, deeper, fuller with inner beauty. He stood right beside me, so close I could smell his aftershave, his arms wrapped up around my waist; the perfect picture of a couple so in love they cannot see the world around them. Chris made me turn around and face him; then he kissed me.
And we kissed and we kissed, lying on his bed, until we fell asleep, holding each other.